Yesterday was one of those days. Overslept. Kid peed the bed. Bad hair day. Traffic. Drama at work. Husband had to work late, again. House a mess. Feeling fat. Zit popped up on my chin. You know. First world problems.
Here’s a dirty little secret: I hate that phrase. Because we live in our own realities. No matter how much of a selfless world-view we attempt to hold, or how fully we own our privilege, we’re human. You can feel depressed about a zit while realizing how insignificant your plight is in the grand scheme. One doesn’t need to cancel out the other. I’d even argue that people who are inherently empathetic typically feel all things deeply – a news report about a displaced deer will affect them more than most, but so will a breakup or a bad day at work. Emotions are emotions – and I don’t think controlling them because of some innate sense of privileged-woman’s-burden is healthy.
But here’s the other the reason I hate the phase “first world problems”: there are some majorly screwed up things going on right here in the first world. First world problems are nothing to scoff at. Kim Simon, my #ISupportYou cofounder (along with Jamie Lynn Grumet), has been thinking about one of the most warped aspects of our decidedly first world nation. In the midst of our government shutdown, Kim had started worrying about the people affected by furloughs at WIC programs – breastfeeding moms who receive extra food to ensure they have the caloric load necessary to produce milk without it taking a toll on their bodies, and formula feeding moms who obtain the powder necessary to nourish their babies from WIC. She realized that aside from emotional support for moms, there’s another kind of practical support we haven’t really discussed. As she writes for Huffington Post and her own blog, Mama by the Bay:
When Suzanne Barston, Jamie Lynne Grumet and I joined together to create “I Support You“, we realized that support begins with basic care. Basic care for many of the mothers in this country means that they need to have access to healthy food for their families. Breastfeeding mothers don’t always need a lactation consultant or a quiet place to nurse. Sometimes they need breakfast. I am nursing a four month old, and I usually eat two dinners. I am hungry all.the.time. But I have a full pantry cupboard and a refrigerator that I frequently have to clean out. Many mothers don’t. Formula feeding moms don’t always need the newest bottles or the support to feed their babies proudly. Sometimes they need enough powder left in the can to get them through until their next paycheck, so they don’t have to water each bottle down.
Kim goes on to suggest ways that we can put our money where are mouths are – quite literally – by donating supplies, food, money, and time to mothers in need. Her suggestions are incredibly thoughtful and I urge you to read them, consider them, and put them to use. But Kim also reminds us that even before the government shutdown, hunger was an issue for many American families – and that it will continue to be after this dumb fight ends and WIC offices are up and running. She’s right: back in 2012, when WIC was fully functional, a study found that 1 in 8 low-income families were watering down formula in order to “stretch” their limited resources – and that “the vast majority of families” in this study were “covered by Medicaid and receive(d) food stamps as well as assistance getting infant formula through… WIC.” (Source: NBC News)
1 in 8 families in this particular study, which was performed in the very first world environment of Cincinnati. 15% of parents already getting aid from government agencies like WIC who are not able to feed their babies adequately.
I can hear the arguments starting already: But that’s why WIC is promoting breastfeeding, FFF! If we could just get these women lactating, they wouldn’t have to put their babies in danger by using diluted formula! And you know what? I agree with you. It would be fabulous if these moms didn’t need to worry about their babies’ next meals, if milk were to flow easily and freely from their breasts. But it would also be fabulous if they weren’t in need. If they had well-paying jobs that allowed them sufficient maternity leave to establish breastfeeding without putting their families at risk. It would be wonderful if they had supportive partners or parents or friends who could stay with them in the early days and take care of their other children while they worked through the breastfeeding learning curve. It would be peachy if we could guarantee that none of them were part of the 5% of women who simply can’t produce milk, or that none of them had ever been victims of sexual assault which made it emotionally complicated for them to nurse, or that none of them had babies who were allergic to milk or soy, because when you’re living with food insecurity, it’s not so simple to go on an intensive elimination diet.
We can argue until the cows come home about whether all women in need should or can breastfeed, but once those cows do come home, we need to make sure there’s enough milk. Period. Whether from a can or a breast. We can’t let babies starve or become malnourished while we argue. Because when it comes down to it, arguing over breastfeeding in a theoretical sense is a first world problem. That is where our privilege will bite us in the overfed ass. No matter what you believe, politically, or about infant formula marketing, or women, or birth, or Santa Claus, we need to address the hunger of our littlest members of first world society. And for now, until issues like maternity leave and adequate prenatal and post-natal care and lactation support and childcare are solved, that means supplying formula – not just whatever brand makes a deal with WIC, but options like hypoallergenic or gentle formula for babies who need it.
The breast/bottle mommy war is a “first world problem”. But the solution Kim, Jamie, and I are offering to this war doesn’t have to be. #ISupportYou can support moms in their emotional journeys while also supporting those who don’t have the luxury of worrying about judgment, because they are too busy watching the contents of their Similac can diminish and praying that their babies don’t hit a growth spurt before the next WIC appointment.
Privilege isn’t a bad thing. Privilege gives us internet access and time and sometimes (although not always), a little extra cash. I’m asking the FFF community to embrace whatever privilege they have, and begin finding ways to address the issue of hunger in our country. I’ll be reaching out to food banks, shelters, and organizations that serve mothers with young infants to see how we can help, specifically, with formula donations. We have one of the smartest and most educated communities on the internet – I don’t doubt we can come up with ways to fill the gap – nutritionally as well as emotionally – so that all mothers, regardless of feeding method or economic situation, can feed with love.
First world problems, here we come.