Dear Beverly Turner,
I suppose you could call me the Queen Bee of the Gobby Women, or the Ringleader of the “Noisy loons creating ‘Brestapo’ caricatures to appease their own consciences“. I’m quite proud to wear these labels, if you’re going to insist on stooping to schoolyard name-calling, but on behalf of my gobby, looney sisters, I wanted to respond to your allegations that we are partly to blame for the recent, slight decrease in UK breastfeeding rates.
The thing is, Ms. Turner, you’re operating under the assumption that we are incorrect in our assessment of current breastfeeding rhetoric. Your experience may not have matched ours, but why is your own truth more valid or weighty than the truths of hundreds of other women – a group so adamant, in your estimation, that we can make an impact on the collective consciousness of your great nation? Do you really believe that we are all just making this stuff up? Perhaps formula feeding correlates with a vivid imagination; I have yet to see a study showing this association, and I’ve read practically every infant feeding related study to hit a peer-reviewed journal in the past 5 years. But considering how you’ve positioned yourself as a master social critic in this arena, I suppose I should bow to your expertise in this matter.
So, let’s go with your theory for a moment. Let’s say that we all are making this up, that none of us have been bullied, shamed, scared, or downright devastated by how breastfeeding is currently promoted. If society is really so bottle-friendly, and formula feeding is “cool”, why would we be inspired to create an elaborate group fantasy to assuage our feelings of inadequacy? I’d assume that if the cool kids were formula feeding, we’d be wielding our bottles of Aptamil with pride, rather than lurking behind our anonymous keyboards, haranguing innocent breastfeeders on Mumsnet.
Or maybe – bear with me for a moment – there really are women who have been thrust breast-deep into severe postnatal depression after failing to breastfeed. Perhaps women truly exist who were raped or sexually abused in childhood, for whom a NCT nurse shoving a breast in a baby’s mouth triggers horrid memories that make a new mom want to throw her babe against a wall. Suppose there are adoptive mothers for whom the constant barrage of articles and admonishments about how superior breastfeeding mothers are to formula feeding ones is like nails on a chalkboard (if the chalkboard was your heart). Consider an alternate universe where some parents really do end up starving their babies to the point of hospitalization because they were worshipping at the altar of the almighty exclusive breastfeeding edict despite a physical inability to produce sufficient milk (there may only be 2-5% of women who are physically unable to breastfeed, but with the current British birth rate around 800,000/year, we’re talking 16,000 women at minimum- nothing to sneeze at).
I won’t discuss my reality or experience here, because I’m American. And honestly, one woman’s experience is hardly important in the grand scheme. However, I can happily point you to hundreds of personal stories British women have shared with me over the years, women who reflect the groups I’ve just “made up” in the last paragraph. I suppose they could all be lying, but I think it’s just as likely that you’re extrapolating a data set of one (yourself) to your entire country, without stopping to think about the women you’re hurting in the process.
Regardless of who is right, I would like to see these masses of vocal harpies who are crushing the hopes of expectant mothers hoping to breastfeed. I am curious why they would lobby for the NHS to cut funding for breastfeeding support, considering they tried to breastfeed and couldn’t; one would think that better support would have been welcomed by these “failures”. Claiming that the current state of breastfeeding support is harmful is not synonymous with being anti-breastfeeding; quite the contrary. With the right kind of support, not only would more women be able to meet their breastfeeding goals, but those who chose not to or could not breastfeed wouldn’t feel sufficiently disenfranchised to spend hours arguing with people like you online.
Instead of trying to understand where we are coming from; instead of listening to our experiences with an open mind and accepting that just because we dislike the posters on the maternity ward walls, we still love breastfeeding moms (and many of us wish we could have been one), instead of trusting your fellow women – you threw us under the bus.
Lastly, speaking of misogyny, I assume you know that the definition of the term is a “hatred, dislike or mistrust of women”. The only person I see hurling hatred and mistrust towards a large group of women (because formula feeding mothers who rail against a systemic failure to support our efforts while simultaneously shaming us are, in fact, still women, despite their lack of lactational abilities) is you.
A particularly noisy, gobby loon (and proud of it),