There’s a startling disconnect inherent in the way our society views infant feeding. On a daily basis, I see vomit-worthy comments posted on Twitter disparaging mothers who are committing the mortal sin of nursing in public – some recent gems included a tweet from a guy who got his jollies waiting for a nip slip from breastfeeding moms, and several women taking cheap shots at “exhibitionist” moms who were “grossing them out” by feeding their babies in plain sight. Seeing this, I can absolutely understand the need for breastfeeding to get an “extreme makeover” in our culture; I can start to see why online discussions about the need for bottle-feeding support devolve into defensive diatribes about how we (FFFs) are in the majority, and have no comparable need for sisterhood.
And yet, my Twitter feed serves as a stark contrast to my other guilty pleasure – celebrity culture. We may live in a “bottle feeding society”, but breastfeeding has become a rite of passage among the pop-cultural elite. Just for fun, I spent a few days googling every single famous mom who had given birth in the past year or two, and almost every single one had a photo, interview, or online mention about how they were breastfeeding, or at least planning on it. The few who didn’t either adopted, or made it a point to explain why they weren’t (Tina Fey, Bryce Dallas-Howard). From hard-living rockstars like Pink, to pin-ups like Alyssa Milano, January Jones, and Beyonce, to girls-next-door like Sarah Drew, Alyson Hannigan, and Jenna Fischer, to the French first lady Carla Bruni... it seems as if everyone on the A, B, and C-lists were using their A, B and C cups (even the enhanced ones, a la Tori Spelling) for their evolutionary/biological purpose.
I’ve talked before about how important perspective and environment are in this discourse: two women in the same city could have markedly different experiences with infant feeding support, depending on their socioeconomic and cultural surroundings, as well as their individual peer groups. I live in Los Angeles, a stone’s throw away from Hollywood, so looking at this list of happily-lactating celebutantes clarifies why I felt so alone in my bottle-feeding days. But I realize my breastfeeding-friendly area is nothing like where so many women live, places where they feel ostracized every time they lift a shirt to feed a crying baby. I know this alienation is real; one look at Twitter proves that, and then some. I’m not sure what’s worse – enduring the threat of borderline sexual harassment each time you breastfeed, or having famous physicians tell you that you are harming your baby by not trying hard enough to give them their birthright of mother’s milk. I think it’s probably a toss-up, or at least depends on your psychological makeup and personal triggers.
However, I think lactivism needs to take a serious look at US Weekly before focusing more attention on “glamorizing” breastfeeding. It’s been glamorized. And yet, women are still experiencing ignorance and intolerance about nursing their babies (or toddlers). Celebrity culture has tremendous influence – the advertising industry capitalizes on this; think about how many famous folks endorse the products you purchase, directly or indirectly. Numerous articles have been written about how celebrity post-baby weight loss has a negative impact on our collective psyche; we supposedly watch them shrink in a matter of weeks and believe that’s how postpartum bodies should act (incidentally, most of them attribute their miraculous weight loss to breastfeeding). If we see a Kardashian pushing a certain type of stroller on their insipid reality show, it becomes a hot seller the very next day. Depressing as it is, our society looks to the bobbleheads on the television for guidance on style and substance. So why isn’t it working with breastfeeding?
Seeing Victoria Beckham or Miranda Kerr or Hilary Duff breastfeed doesn’t make an impact, because of course these women are breastfeeding. They have the resources to do so – flexible and accommodating work environments, nannies, housekeepers, access to superior healthcare providers, support, and most importantly, they live in breastfeeding-friendly environments. How is this making breastfeeding look any more do-able to the average woman? It might make it look more attractive, but not more attainable.
So, maybe the focus should be less on giving breastfeeding a makeover, but rather a makeunder. Focus on making it more accessible and attainable to those who are struggling to make ends meet, to those who not only are lacking a nanny and personal trainer, but also a supportive partner; the ability to switch to a breastfeeding-friendly pediatrician; money to see a private lactation consultant, or a car to drive to see that consultant.
And from a formula feeder’s point of view, I want to make one last point: breastfeeding moms have their choice of role models. Maggie Gyllenhal, Marion Cotillard, Jennifer Gardner… Women who are opting not to breastfeed have Snooki, who recently was accused of saying breastfeeding is “kind of like you’re a cow” (although for the record, she was just talking about pumping, which she intends to do – she was scared of breastfeeding because her friends had experienced trouble…but I digress):
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| Source: http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2012/06/11/snooki-breastfeeding-cow-interview/ |
Speaking of makeovers….
About the Author:
Suzanne Barston is a blogger and author of BOTTLED UP. Fearless Formula Feeder is a blog – and community – dedicated to infant feeding choice, and committed to providing non-judgmental support for all new parents. It exists to protect women from misleading or misrepresented “facts”; essentialist ideals about what mothers should think, feel, or do; government and health authorities who form policy statements based on ambivalent research; and the insidious beast known as Internetus Trolliamus, Mommy Blog Varietal.
Suzanne Barston – who has written 429 posts on Fearless Formula Feeder.
I really like the way you touched on the lack of support that goes both ways here. In my opinion, the people who are most likely to have their world views changed by celebrities are perhaps those who would be ignorant enough to judge a nursing mother. Therefore celebs might be doing a real service here by making it seem more acceptable. Although, I guess on the flip side it could go the other way and seem like a trendy as opposed to natural thing to do.
That being said, I think we (understandably defensive) formula feeders should watch we don't fall into the lactivist trap of seeking out reasons to be offended. As it might make our real complaints lost in the noise. I would save my energy to debate those who tell us we're crappy mothers for using formula or throwing rediculous pseudo scientific “studies” our way.
Oh geez- I hope I didn't come across as being offended by anything these celebs have said! I was seriously just puzzled about the disconnect between how glamourous celebs make breastfeeding out to be, and how it is still so taboo in general society…
No no…you didn't sound that way at all! I obviously didn't write that well. I was more talking about myself and the knee jerk reaction a lot of us have when we are still feeling crappy about our own breastfeeding failures. Personally I haven't seen the disconnect you speak of because I live in hippie Vancouver although my friends in the USA tell me differently.
Actually I think (as ever) a lot of it is semantics. Victoria Beckham stated that she wished to give her daughter breastmilk – and I'd put money on her acquiring it the same way Elton John did!
It will be interesting to see how this new reality tv show about extreme parenting impacts the “celebrity” status of BF (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2171196/New-Extreme-Parenting-reality-casts-spotlight-moms-breastfeed-toddlers–kooky-child-rearing-rituals.html?ito=feeds-newsxml). Will this become the new “Real Housewives”? The implications – were I minded to consider them longer than a nano second – are staggering. How do we even begin to unpick the truth from reality when an editor has the freedom to shrink 50 hours of video into 48 minutes?
I love this post and you raised some good questions. I have been thinking a lot about celebrities and breastfeeding myself lately. I find it interesting that we think celebrities influence every day moms, yet most celebrities who breastfeed don't do so for longer than the average working mom, about 12 weeks. So even with the access to the lactation consultants, nannies, workplace flexibility, etc, these women are not meeting the minimum breastfeeding goals set by the AAP. What's going on here? We can basically assume that most of these women could have continued to breastfeed if they wanted to, and many chose to stop. I find it so fascinating. I wonder if, over time, more and more celebs breastfeeding for longer (like Pink and Alannis) will start a new trend. Remember back in the day when celebrities had babies and took YEARS off to raise their kids? It seems like there has been a culture shift that has encouraged everyone, even those who could a more Canadian-esque maternity leave, to get back to work within 12 weeks.
I disagree with the above poster! I'm sure Beyonce and Jessica Simpson will breastfeed well past 12 weeks!! It is NOT that hard ladies! I EBF my 4 month old son, and it is pure joy! We will continue for a long time! I don't agree with anyone downplaying the importance of breastfeeding to excuse why they chose not to! Mothers Milk is and always will be the best milk for babies! And that IS a fact!
Beyonce quit at 10 weeks apparently. Having trouble posting a link, but you can google it If you want.
This is a blog where we support each other. If you want to lay on the guilt go some place else please. Post partum depression made breastfeeding THAT hard for me. My girls are ok and I am too. Please please please don't visit FFF if you want put mothers down for their choices.
I really respect the other women points of view, but I thin that breastfeeding is the best gift you can give to your kids as a mom.
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I don't understand why so many people care about this. I breastfed all four of my kids. And where ever and when ever I felt like it. I wish it were just an easier subject for everyone. Being a parent is hard enough as it is. Being judged just makes it harder.
Except for so many people, it isn't. Have you even read this blog??
Celebs can literally change a company's fortunes overnight, as you pointed out, because of the power of their endorsements. How can any lactivist claim with a straight face that we live in an entirely bottle-feeding culture? When you have people who are idolized and copied endlessly in everything from their choice of makeup to the charities they support–now trumpeting about breastfeeding, it indicates something about society has changed.
You may respect other women's points of view, but you certainly don't respect their experiences. If you did you wouldn't have posted this.